Well, its all over

I don't really know what to say. I never really thought that this day would come, but my weakness and competitive attitude got the best of me.

I had an afternoon free and decided to play some poker: try to get back in the swing of things, get my head back on straight. I played some HU 100nl, it went ok, lost a little more than a buy in or so.

I was still kinda itching for a game, still wanting to make my money back from the last few days. I was scrolling through the tables at HU 100nl and noticed my nemesis sitting at a table, the same guy that took my money on thursday and friday. I was determined to beat the guy. I did not, far from it. He absolutely destroyed me. The guy ran better than anyone I have ever seen, it was absolutely unbelievable. Every 3-4 bet pot, I would have the better hand preflop and he would hit a pair on the flop. I'd raise with AQs, he'd 3bet with K5, I 4bet and he'd. Flop K84. He checked, I cbet and he'd call. He'd check the blank turn and a Q came on the river (it was unbelievable how many times the river gave me a good but not great hand and at the same time he'd either have a better hand or the river would improve his hand more) he'd check, I'd bet and he'd call taking down a very large pot. This happened countless times. Here are some gems from the night:












So basically, this guy took his boomswitch and raped me with it. Raped me hard. After running really good the guy challenged me to 1/2HU and I was certain I could beat him plus extremely tilted so I accepted. Here are a couple of hands that exemplify my experience.





Here is my biggest hand of the night, it is undeniably the stupidest thing I have ever done in my poker life. I was so tilted, so focused on beating this guy that I misread my hand and thought I had flopped a straight. I end up calling the guy down with 9 high to his rivered straight (I was very close to folding the river, while I still was under the impression I had a straight, I just KNEW he hit the straight but couldnt fold). Just another example of how this guy runs so well, if he doesnt hit the straight, he folds the river and I take down the big pot, regardless of whether I read my hand correctly. This is so embarrassing.....



And 20 hands later, here's the last hand of the session. I think it sums up my night entirely.


So where am I now?
I am at a point I havent been at in over a year. I am in the red. It feels really weird to say that but it's reality. I started this all with a 1500 dollar stake and I am now at 1300. I am not rolled for 100NL or even 50NL. All of the work of the last year is pretty much erased. Poker-wise I am at the lowest point mentally that I have ever been.

What's the future for me and poker?
I have self-excluded myself for the next week, but I am 100% certain that I will continue playing poker and will try to grind my way back up to where I was before. Although my work of the last year has been erased in the sense that my money is gone, I still have learned immense amount of information from the thousands of hands that I have played. Hopefully, this information will help along the way by making my rise through the stakes much quicker. I have put in almost thirty thousand hands at 50NL 6max and once I become sufficiently rolled, my familiarity with the game will definitely help me build up my roll at that stake.

I currently have 500 dollars on a 2+2 prop bet, which if I win will pay back 700. Currently, the bettor is on pace to win the bet, so it looks like I wont be seeing that money, but I'll be continuously checking the progress of the bet and hoping that I can get a now very significant amount of money in victory.

Once my self exclusion ends, I will begin grinding up 25NL 6max or 50NL 6max depending on the result of the bet. It will be a tough and probably long road but I will keep pushing forward and will update this blog at every step along the way.

Good luck everyone!